September: It's Time to Pay the Piper

To: Parents of September 2009
From: Amy Bills
Re: Behavioral Issues
CC: Austin, Texas

Parents of September,

Please consider this note a formal request for a meeting at your earliest convenience to discuss recent behavioral issues with September. Please contact my office this week to set up an appointment.

As you know, we've generally been pleased with September's behavior. Certainly, as with many months, September has exhibited the occasional behavioral aberration, and yes, in some cases they have been quite serious. This is to be expected, as no month is perfect.

However, September 2009 is showing significant warning signs that must be addressed promptly.

• Illness has swept the Bills household, leaving Baby Ollie on antibiotics and Mommy coughing.
• Said illness has infiltrated Mommy's workplace and taken down at least two other co-workers, who are publicly blaming Mommy.
• Our friend MH had a car accident today. That it was minor is not a valid excuse.
• Mommy's co-worker EG hurt his leg and is out for his entire indoor lacrosse season.
• Baby Ike is sick. We've made clear to all of the months that there is zero tolerance for this infraction.
• Baby Julian is also sick. Again: Not acceptable.

Early intervention is critical not only for September's well-being, but to ensure peer months such as October and November are not unduly influenced. We appreciate your prompt attention to this matter.