I'm dying to take credit for this, but props go to AHamp.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MOM OF TODDLER:
Turn on the longest Thomas the Tank Engine DVD you can find.
Equip toddler with juice, binky, snack and position him as close to the TV as possible.
Make mad dash for bathroom. Leave door open.
Rip off clothes while turning on shower while simultaneously collecting rubber duckies, boats, cars, motorcycle men, balls, etc. off floor of tub leftover from last night’s bath.
Curse husband for not having cleaned out bathtub toys the night before.
Call out to toddler repeatedly, “Are you okay? Mama will be right back! Keep watching TV!”
Get in shower. Try not to look at hairy legs and armpits. Close your eyes for the duration of shower if you catch even a tiny glimpse of stretch marks.
Wash hair and soap body at same time.
Call out to toddler repeatedly, “Are you okay? Mama will be right back! Keep watching TV!”
Turn off shower, hop out, and run into TV area soaking wet.
Discover toddler has poured juice on TV.
Towel off while cleaning up juice and answering humiliating questions from toddler about unfamiliar body parts.
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Dawn's End: Buy now or write a review on Amazon.com.
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." (Ogden Nash, American poet.)
About Us
- The Bills Family
- Austin, Texas, United States
- Amy and Larry Bills; our two boys, Logan and Oliver; our cats, Rizzo and Cricket. And always in our hearts, baby Avery.
Debut Novel by Larry Bills
Dawn's End: Buy now or write a review on Amazon.com.
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Predator Ridge?
Several years ago on a trip to Colorado we visited the Denver Zoo in eager anticipation of their new exhibit, "Predator Ridge." This exciting installation was supposed to be "a panoramic view of Africa!" featuring lions, spotted hyenas, African wild dogs, crowned cranes, African porcupines, banded mongoose, vulturine guineafowl and more.
On the day of our visit, however, the only animals visible at Predator Ridge were two fat lions basking in squares of shade. "Huh," we said. "Two lazy cats waiting to be fed. We can get this at home." And thus, our manor had a name.
On the day of our visit, however, the only animals visible at Predator Ridge were two fat lions basking in squares of shade. "Huh," we said. "Two lazy cats waiting to be fed. We can get this at home." And thus, our manor had a name.
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3 comments:
One alternative (with variations) is to toddler-proof the inside of the bathroom door and bring the kiddo into the bathroom with you. Variations: 1) Put a full roll of toilet paper on the holder and tell him there's a surprise at the other end, 2) Lipstick + mirror 3) Lipstick + toddler's body, 4) Lipstick + wall.
I have to point out the overlooked but vital Step #1: Buy one-story, 1000 sq.ft. house.
My mom used to strap me to her chest and bathe us both at the same time. Not sure if the bjorn can handle the same task.
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